Post 4

The Bennis and Thomas article about leaders as their own personal hero, and having a crucible experience kind of stuck with me. I don't like to admit it, but I think I'm a drama queen. I don't know if my life would make a great tv show, but I bet it could be an awesome movie. But isn't that true of most people?

I think the reason that idea of "leader as his/her own hero" stuck a chord with me goes back to my atheism. I've always said "I don't believe in god, I believe in myself". The two statements seem similar to me. Maybe not entirely, but I can certainly agree that I am my own hero. Does that sound too egotistical? Probably a little, but that's ok.

I've faced obstacles. And sometimes life has sucked. A lot. I keep trying to think of what my crucible is. And lots of different moments keep popping up in my mind. And the chapter talked about this crucible being a solo journey. Granted, a person has many crucible experiences. But which one defines me?

(Please don't judge me for what I'm about to say...) My defining moment...the one that I rarely share...The one that could have broken me in more ways than one... The night I did acid by myself. My freshman year was terrible. It was the absolute worst year of my life. In addition to transitioning to college and breaking up with my high school boyfriend, my parents were on the verge of divorce. After doing lots of stupid things over the course of the year, it all culminated in this one night. I was upset because this guy I was kind of seeing didn't call me when he was having a party at his place. So I decided to do acid by myself. I was a mess that night. I had never been so scared. And I kept thinking about all these things that happened that year.

I didn't sleep that night. It takes a long time to come down from acid. But at 7am, the sun was shining, and I was still alive. I remember thinking "I made it through the night". It was the most beautiful moment of my life. From that moment on, I knew that nothing was so bad that I couldn't handle it.